When I originally made up the name “Thurston Kelp” (I know you’ll be interested in this!), I wanted to use “Thurston” because I thought it sounded British, but I was never really satisfied with it, and worried that it didn’t sound British enough. Now that I’m Blair, though, my name sounds British as all get-out. Or at least the “Blair” part does. Now “Kelp” seems like the problem -it’s so, mmmm… short. I may eventually have to take the whole thing in and have it hyphenated, once and for all.
But that’s not your problem, or at least it hadn’t been until recently! I’m also all excited about all the awards and the Superbowl and everything, even though some of them happened already, and I’m not sure which ones or when!
I was fortunate enough to take in the Superbowl (and, by the way, perhaps this is a good time to apologize for being so tardy lately with the damn kolumn, but I really have been so busy picking my name and everything. But I know, I was thinking about you guys all the time and how I must be disappointing you, or you may have been even concerned, thinking, oh! I’ve missed my deadline by almost three weeks, surely that’s long even by my so-called standards, is there a substance problem with old Blair or what?)) (By the way, I also considered “Rusty”, Rusty Kelp, but it didn’t sound British enough, it sounded more like a burlesque MC. Of course the reason we got into this whole mess in the (first) place was because my original editor at the Cape Codder ((who shall remain nameless, at least until I remember his name, wait! -it was Karen! What a great name!))) who objected to my original (or, as I just typed, “orinal”) pseudonym, R. Nalton Thruppy.))))) and, anyway, it was a pretty good game.
I particularly enjoyed when, early in the game, the Colts’ kicker, Adam Vinatieri (until this year one of the Pats’ biggest heroes), missed a field goal, and a jubilant roar went up in front of tv sets all over New England as spoiled, bitter Patriots fans celebrated his momentary failure and embarrassment. Rarely do you get to see so many revel so heartily in misery of such a tangential degree. If only he’d kept missing, northeast football fans would’ve been over the moon, overcome with joy that we might have finally traded one of our greats just prior to his disgrace instead of just after like usual.
As a person who always enjoys seeing rich people inconvenienced, I very much appreciated getting to see the millionaires collide in horrible, near-monsoon conditions -in other words, perfect football weather! I must say I was looking forward to an unsightly debacle at halftime, figuring Prince, who’s only a little fella anyway and arguably past his prime, to be squashed flat by the torrential downpour; but what to my wondering eyes did appear but a near-perfect (after all, he did cover “Proud Mary”, so let’s not get carried away), seemingly effortless, entirely inspired show! Damn! What a guy!
And, sure, I guess a lot of papers probably got you this news faster, but I’ll bet not in this kind of detail.
The Colts won by pretty much, probably about 36 to about 12 for the other team.
I’d like to thank my research team, but I don’t have one. They’re all gone. I’d also like to mention that the Red Hot Chili Peppers stink bigtime (even bigger time than usual at the Grammies, which I could’ve lived without seeing the last fifteen minutes of. When will they add “the hipness”?)
It’s winter on Cape Cod. Go to sleep.
NEXT TIME (figure early April or thereabouts) ? the ALL-KELP OSCAR SPECIAL!!!