great white wayWhoa! Hey! How you? Damn! Kolumn time already? Phew!

We’ve been so busy, flitting around to Broadway openings, hanging around w. rock stars, and changing our stove fan (see below) that we’ve hardly had time to catch our breath! My god, it’s wretched being in such demand! My wife, the fetching (and when I say fetching, what I really mean is warm, funny, wise, fascinating, and, sometimes, even fetching) Mrs. K and I are pretty much overwhelmed at this time of year with invitations to rich people’s houses for holiday revelry, and oooooo! hey! It’s such a bore!

Still, we attend -and attend! -because these people seem to have better food than we do here at stately Kelp Manor, and I am (surprise, surprise) an eating type of guy. Why, only yesterday we went somewhere that had mutton, which is still one of my favorite delicacies, despite the many mutts in attendance here in The Great Hall.

But enough about me! My friend, the legendary Steve “Woo Woo” Wood, has embarked upon a series of appearances on Sundays at Happy Hour at the Prodigal Son in Hyannis, along with special guest stars such as Sue from the Ticks and Jay from the Maplewoods, and sometimes even longtime son/drummer Sam Wood, who appears when his grades are up to snuff, and no discussion, young man (Steve has always been nothing if not strict and authoritative.)

The door charge is $2.00 (which, I’m sure, leaves most of you out), as are the beers, and the whole she-bang takes place between the hours of 4 and 8 each Sunday. It’s a veritable explosion of evenly numbered mayhem, and I like to think that the more intelligent amongst you might consider attending, as Steve is a close personal friend and acquaintance. Whoa!

But wait! That’s not all We went out again! Me ‘n wifey, all over the place! First, we went to NYC (and if that’s not over the bridge, I don’t know what is!), with our artist friend Dan Joy (his beret is still in our back seat!) to see an old friend and admirer of the startlingly coifed Mrs. K, namely one Steve Bakunas, now doing a stint on the Great White Way as “Cop #2” in Carol Burnett’s autobiographical “Hollywood Arms”: for some reason, we ended up eating dinner with the cast, much to their surprise and (artfully concealed) delight.

Steve used to do some acting locally (at the Orleans Academy, for instance), but this took place in an entirely different location that wasn’t here at all. Also in the cast (and at the dinner) was Linda Lavin, who, if I’m not mistaken, is a well-known actress -as well she should be: man, I’ve never seen anyone get more juice out of bad writing in my life! These people were, by and large, famous and talented, yet they still ended up eating with us. How would you feel if you were rich and famous but still had to eat with me? It was all very ironic.

We were glad to get away, after all the trouble we had had with the stove fan (or, more accurately, with the stove fan filter cover) on Thanksgiving. A day or two before, with guests on the way, the light bulb on the light over the stove had blown, and in trying to change it, I became aware for the first time of our stove fan filter, and of our stove fan filter cover, both of which were sadly suffering from years of neglect.. I didn’t know we had either one, until I failed to change the light bulb, and then, there they were, covered with stove fan gook.

At first I panicked completely, but the very, very, very, very smart Mrs. K slapped me hard, and I became suddenly tranquil, despite reading in my stove manual that it was recommended that I clean the stove fan filter approximately every two months.. Every two months? And here I’d lived at the Manor for more than two decades without noticing I even had a stove fan cover, let alone a stove fan cover filter! It was a revelation, and one that we’re still coming to terms with, actually. All I can say is, you guys with stove fans are living on borrowed time, so get to work.

I heard from excellent sources that when Bob Dylan played recently in Rhode Island, he played a lot of piano, and covered songs like “Brown Sugar” and Neil Young’s “Old Man”, so I guess we can infer he’s still totally nutty. Go get ’em, Jimmy! And that’s the news…

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